Remember
by FabulaNova
Summary: After the Etoile elections, life goes on for Shizuma and Nagisa. But what happens when Nagisa starts to lose her memory? How will Shizuma cope? OneShot


This is from my old fic I just copy and pasted, give or take a couple of details. Why? Cause I want to Beta and I'm just too damn lazy to restart. Plus I thought this one was pretty good…

**Remember**

**By FabulaNova  
**

Things always seem to go back to the first day. I remember it well. It was high school. You were brand new to Astraea Hill. I am the Etoile. At least I am supposed to be. I was abandoned by my parents in this dreadful place. I begged them not to leave me here, yet, here I am.

I remember walking down a hill, resting in my old place by the tree, basking in the sunlight, remembering my sweet Kaori. My thoughts were soon interrupted by your high pitched squeal as you tumbled down the hill.

I couldn't help but awe at the cute site of you. I knew, as I brushed off the leaves and fixed your necktie. I knew we would be together forever

When I look back, maybe it's that moment I fell in love, or maybe it was later. I don't remember when I knew I loved you. I just knew.

It's like the first time we realised how we felt. I remember it was a sunny day in summer, immediately after the Etoile elections. I was walking with you to have dinner. We ended up staying too late at the library studying. I was helping you prepare for your finals. We sat at the table and talked as we usually would. We drank some wine, ate our pasta and I paid the bill, despite your protests, and we walked back to your house. I thought it would be dangerous for you to walk alone. "A pretty girl shouldn't be unguarded" I said to you with a smile. You blushed and giggled.

The minute we arrived at your house, I felt sad. I walked you up to your steps and faced you.

"Good night, Nagisa" I smiled at you again. You looked down towards your feet with a sad face and said back to me,

"Good night, Shizuma."

I wanted to know what was wrong since you weren't looking at me. But before I could, you leaned up and kissed me on my lips. It was sweet, and soft. I found myself moving my lips against yours and my hands moving towards your hips and pulling you closer. We stood out there for what seemed like forever in our first kiss, and didn't move until we found ourselves running out of breath. We pulled away, our chests heaving and I looked at you in the moonlight. Your cheeks were red either from lack of air, from blushing, or maybe both. I gently placed a kiss on your lips, letting you know I definitely feel the same. You just smiled one of your brilliant smiles back at me and walked back into your house, leaving me smiling on your porch.

I turned away and walked back down the steps towards my house, knowing I will forever remember that moment. The very moment I fell in love.

Our days after were just as joyous. We would smile at each other whenever we saw one another, arrange more dates, go to movie theatres and not see one second of what was playing. It was probably one of the best summers of my life, and I'm sure it was yours. Unfortunately our time had to soon come to end. You still had a year of Astraea to go. I, on the other hand, decided to take a year off. Not only so that I could attend the same university as you, but to experience the world. No longer did I want to be a spoiled child. I wanted to work for something. So that when the time came, I could be proud of my achievements and be proud to call them my own.

Finally, it came time for you to graduate. After three years with you, my love for you has never wavered. I'd like to think yours hasn't either, but occasionally, I feel as though something is wrong. Something is off. It's not that I think you've found someone else, or fell out of love. It just felt at rare moments in time, that you just forgot out love, our passion and our firsts.

Of course I brushed it off as preposterous and never even pursued that idea. I'm starting to think I should have though. Maybe if I would have, this wouldn't have all started. Our first bump in the road was by far going to be the hardest bump.

A year after your graduation, we were already in University, studying our hardest to be the best. Our loving moments were the same, and I became accustomed to your temporary lapses where I think you forgot our love. So for winter break I took you on a trip to north of Japan. Our first trip together since that incident in Astraea was by far the most memorable. I took you to see my parents since they were staying in a winter vacation home, but shortly after, we took a short trip to the mountains for a little ski trip. I rented a cozy cabin in the more isolated parts of ski hill, and we skied for three days total. On the last evening of our trip, we sat and had wine and pasta. That was always our favourite combo whenever we go away together. I remember we then had hot chocolate by the warm, crackling fire and we kissed again. Our lips seemed to have become more accustomed to each other with the way they moved in harmony. Soon, the kiss became more heated and passionate.

I lifted you into my arms while you wrapped your legs around me for support, and I blindingly carried you to our bedroom and gently laid you down on the bed. The curtains were open, but nobody would see or care in the isolated parts of the mountain. I kissed you more gently this time and stared into your eyes while caressing your soft cheek. I knew we were thinking the same thing. It was the first moment in my life that became more magical than the first time we kissed.

We soon came back to the city of Tokyo, more in love than one could ever imagine possible, and that bump in the road finally arrived. I didn't notice at first, but soon you forgot about things other than our love. I didn't notice the first time.

Something came up in my mind that something was wrong, but I didn't think it was anything important. The first time, was when you forgot where you placed your car keys. You had just put them down 5 minutes ago but forgot where you placed them. I laughed and pointed to the key bowl where we always place them. You chuckled in embarrassment, but I just kissed you and told you, "It happens to the best of us."

The next time, I became more wary, but didn't say anything. You had not yet arrived for dinner which was odd because you were always on time. I called your cell but nobody picked up. 20 minutes later after worrying slightly and calling your other friends, you came home. You came in with a little bit of a dazed look on your face, but I just hugged and kissed you, thankful that nothing happened.

Our dinner had become cold, but I just reheated it in the oven. It was fine, as long as you were home. Finally I had asked you what took you so long, and you froze. "I don't remember" you told me. "I just found myself at one point driving around and I remembered I had to come back home for dinner." I found it odd, but thought you were just tired.

The day I finally noticed something was wrong, it may have been too late. It was the end of the school year celebrations, and we had agreed to go to your friends, Tamao and Hikari's party. I had to work that night, and you had your last class. We both agreed to meet at their party at 7:00 PM. But 20 minutes, and you still haven't arrived. I thought maybe traffic, or maybe your last class was ending late. The clock struck 8:00 and I called you, worried. Nobody picked up. 8:30 and you still didn't show. I started calling your friends I knew had class with you, and they said you didn't even show up to class. This really worried me. I asked Tamao and Hikari if they'd seen you at your second last class, they said you were there. They became worried too. I didn't want to ruin the party, so I just told them to stay I will go out and find you. I also told them to call if you ever showed up.

I ran around the campus, wondering if you were around. I didn't find you. I got into my car and started to drive to all the places around, constantly phoning your cell phone with the hands free function. I drove everywhere I possibly could, your parents house, the restaurant where we had our first real date, your old house, our high school. I started to become exasperated. I wanted to break down and cry, I wouldn't know what I'd do if you were gone. Finally after who knows how many calls to your phone, somebody picked up.

"Nagisa?" I remember yelling.

"Uhm, no." a male voice on the other end I didn't recognize spoke.

"Who is this? Where's Nagisa?" I was too panicked to even think of any possibilities of who this man might be.

"Ma'am, this is Tokyo National Airport and we found this lady wandering the airport. She was going through security but since she's clear, we decided to pick up her phone. She was unable to answer."

"Why?" I yelled again. I'm glad she was found, but…what was going on? A long silence came on the other end.

"Are you unaware of her condition?" What Condition? I didn't reply, I only paused to think. What condition?

"I think you should come here, miss. We have a doctor and psychologist here who could maybe explain this to you. I'll have a guard stand outside the North entrance for you. What's your name?"

"…oh, uhm. Hanazono Shizuma." I replied, stunned. What condition does Nagisa have? Why did Nagisa not tell me?

I quickly made a 180 U-turn to Seoul National Airport, still shocked at the call I just received. What condition? Had Nagisa been hiding something from me all the years we've been together?

I parked my car as soon as I found a spot and ran towards the North entrance of the airport. I immediately spotted a guard there and rushed towards him. "My name is Hanazono Shizuma and I was called here." The words quickly rushed out of my mouth. The guard simply nodded and motioned for me to follow him.

I walked quickly to keep up with him. After various doors and hallways, we finally entered a room where Nagisa was being held. I saw her sitting on a bed with people around her and rushed up to her. I gave her the biggest hug and let go of a breath I did not realize I was holding in. "Thank god you're okay" I said with tears of relief sliding down my cheeks. I wiped them with my sleeve and examined the other people in the room.

"You must be Hanazono Shizuma. I'm Dr. Takamachi and this is the psychologist Dr. Nora. May we step outside and talk to you for a moment? Don't worry a guard will be here to watch her." I followed them outside the room to the hallway.

"What's wrong?" I asked the doctors worriedly.

Dr. Takamachi took a deep breath. "Has she ever visited a hospital before?" I looked at him confused.

"…Not to my knowledge. Why?"

It was Dr. Nora's turn to explain "Although we can't confirm anything unless we do tests and observe her longer, we believe she had a loss of memory in the airport."

I stood shocked a while longer, speechless.

Dr. Takamachi carried on the explanation "We reviewed the security tapes and she wandered around in confusion. When security noticed and questioned her, she seemed to be unable to recall her name, or her whereabouts. They called us here and we did a series of simple tests."

"First, we asked her what her name was." Dr. Nora continued "She was able to recall that, but it took her quite a few minutes to. We asked for her age and again, same results." I nodded, trying to absorb this information, but it was too shocking I couldn't believe it, no, didn't want to believe it. "Finally, you phoned and we felt we should inform you of our findings. We suggest you take her to the hospital immediately for testing. I suggest you go to Dr. Kenta on the seventh floor. I already phoned and he will be expecting you. This could be something that could develop into something worse." I nodded. The door re-opened again and I felt someone wrap her arms around me.

"Shizuma! I don't know what I'm doing here but I'm so glad to see you!" Nagisa's memory had returned. I wrapped my arms around her and felt my vision blur with tears.

"Nagisa, we have to take you to a hospital" I whispered to her. I didn't want her to know I was crying.

"Why?" she whispered back worriedly. I didn't want to worry her in case the doctors were wrong, which I was hoping they were. I didn't say anything to her, instead I just took her hand and led her out the doors, wiping my tears with my sleeve so she wouldn't worry.

We drove in silence to the hospital, both lost in our own thoughts. Hers, wondering what was happening and mine were wondering what to do next. We soon arrived at the hospital and I held her hand in mine walking into the hospital silently. I pressed the 7th floor button on the elevator and we rode silently. I looked around the doors and soon found a door that said "Dr. S. Kenta" on the door. The lights were on inside, so I knocked. I heard a faint "come in" and I opened the door.

A skinny, balding old man with owl glasses stared back at us. He stood up and approached us. "I'm Dr. Kenta." We shook hands and he motioned for us to sit down on nearby chairs. The office itself was short and cramped with files over the desk and tables, and printer sat behind the chair of Dr. Kenta. An X-ray light was near the door to my left and a coffee pot placed under it on a filing cabinet. First the doctor placed some forms in front of both of us. My sheet was as the emergency contact form, and hers was a patient form.

After the paperwork had been filled, he copied them onto a computer and then placed the sheets in a file. "Now which one is Nagisa?" A hand raised in my peripheral vision to my right. "Do you remember what happened at the airport?" He asked her. I saw her shake her head no. "Okay, what do you remember?" He opened a notepad and a pen, recording her explanation.

"I don't remember going there. I remember after class walking to my car. I was going to buy some food at the grocery store for a party later. I remember getting into my car and then…..I don't really remember anything else after that. Next thing I knew I was sitting on a bed in a room and they told me I was at the airport. I saw Shizuma come in and we drove here."

He nodded writing down all the details. "Do you remember approximately what time you blanked out?"

She contemplated for a second. "Well, my class ended 5 and then…. I don't know what time I stopped blanking then."

"It was around 10:30. I remember." The first words I spoke since the airport. Even I was shocked at the sound of my voice.

"I see. Nagisa, I think you may be suffering from memory loss. I'm not sure what type. It could be anything really, but I'd like to do some Xrays and some tests to see if it's curable or not. I'll have to test you right this minute. Is that okay?" She nodded in compliance. He stood first and motioned for her to follow her.

"I'll wait here." I suggested with a weak voice. Dr. Kenta came and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Why don't you go to the cafeteria and get some food for the both of you. Come back in about, 20 minutes." I nodded in compliance.

I went to the cafeteria and placed some pasta on our plates. The only thing that looked decent in there. I looked around and saw people who had bloodshot eyes, tired faces, and in wheelchairs occupying the seats. I decided to go back up to the 7th floor to wait for Nagisa. The atmosphere in the cafeteria was too depressing. I wanted to be strong for this. It could be just nothing.

It turns out sitting in a hallway by yourself waiting for the one you love's fate is just as depressing. I decided to not think. I didn't want to worry her. "It could just be nothing" she kept on telling herself. Yet it still felt like something. After I finished my meal, I dumped it in a nearby garbage can and waited for Nagisa. I remembered I placed Nagisa's place beside where I sat so that Nagisa could eat the minute she came out.

Finally, she heard a door open and Nagisa came out. I silently handed her the plate of pasta and she ate silently on the bench beside me. Dr. Kenta soon came out and approached me. "I won't get the results back till tomorrow so go back home and get some rest. I suggest that Nagisa does not go anywhere unless escorted. If she ever has another moment where she loses her memory, record the time, and call me right away." Dr. Kenta handed me his card. "I'll call you when the results are in."

We then left the hospital in silence, and then drove in silence until we reached our house. Nagisa quickly ran up the stairs to the house and ran up to our shared room. I took more time placing my keys in the key bowl, and taking off my jacket. It wasn't until I went to go to our shared room to change that I heard sobs coming from our room. I felt a pang in my heart and slowly opened the door.

Nagisa had her head buried in her pillow, sobbing. I quickly went to her side and rubbed her back, making soothing noises. She sat up and turned towards me. I embraced her and held onto her tight, letting her know I was here for her, my need for her. She sobbed harder into my shoulder, wetting my clothes with her tears, but I couldn't care less. I kissed the top of her head and then stood back to wipe the tears off her cheek. I kissed her cheek where the tears had fallen and then placed a gentle kiss on her lips. Her lips started to move with me and became more passionate. We took our kiss further with a quick removal of clothes. Nothing was said. No "you're so beautiful" and no words said to one another. It was just actions full of feelings, and possibly there last.

Soon, morning had come. They both lie in bed with only the feeling of sheets and each other's warmth to accompany each other. The phone rang and I was closest, so I picked up.

"Hello?" my groggily voice came.

"Hello, Hanazono-san? The results are in. Come to my office right away. It's urgent." Dr. Ketna's voice came from the other end. I heard myself say okay. My hand hung up the phone and I went back between the sheets.

"Who was that?" a tired voice beside her asked. Nagisa snuggled up closer to me. My arm wrapped around Nagisa and laid my head on top of hers.

"Dr. Kenta. Results are in." I replied. She heard Nagisa mumble an "oh."

"Shizuma, promise me something." Nagisa asked. I lifted her head so she could look into Nagisas' eyes. "Promise me you'll always love me, and never leave me, mo matter what." I smiled and kissed her gently on the lips again.

"I will always love you, and never leave your side, no matter what." I replied. She smiled back at me and we kissed again.

We then got dressed, ate breakfast, and then headed towards the hospital. When we drove though, unlike last night, we talked like we usually did. We laughed and were more cheerful than the night before. I decided, no matter what the results, I will not hold her back and I will not leave her. I will always love her.

We entered the office and sat down, prepared for the results. Dr. Kenta wasted no time in getting to the point. "Nagisa has Alzheimer's disease." I stood there shocked. "I know Nagisa is very young, but this is a very rare kind of Alzheimer's." I grabbed Nagisa's hand and she squeezed back. Neither of us cried. We just sat silently, holding onto each other. It was all we had. "She will slowly, day by day, start to lose her memory. She may remember from time to time, but those moments will happen less and less. There is no medication I can prescribe. That's what makes this disease hard to cope with." He explained some more "however, because she's at a young age, it won't be as aggressive. It will happen slower than usual. She may have complete memory loss by the age of 60, but it may still be quite severe before then."

"What do you suggest we do?" I asked the doctor.

"Enjoy life to the fullest as much as possible. You only have so much time." He explained. We stood up and walked out the office, hands still joined. It was a race against the clock for us to remember, and enjoy everything we possibly could in this short time we had together. As long as we had our love though, nothing could stand in our way.

Epilogue

30 years later, Nagisa is 57 and I am 61. Nagisa's Alzheimer's has become more severe. She doesn't remember me anymore. It hurts my heart when I have to pretend we're just friends. I remember when she lost her memory and I kissed her. She exploded and started yelling at me, lecturing me about respect and ran off. I tried to find her, but no luck. When I arrived back home she was on the porch with tears streaming down her face, telling me how sorry she was and begging me not to leave her. I promised her I wouldn't.

I had to move her to a nursing home where its specialty was people with Alzheimer's. Since I was her wife, yes we got married after the doctor told us to live life, I moved with her.

It's painful when someone you love loses their memory. It's even more painful when they can't even remember you. But it doesn't matter. Nagisa can forget our love, she can forget our time together, our feelings, because I will always be there to remember.


End file.
